James 4:13-16 This passage appears that the Lord does not want us to make plans. But a closer look shows us that our plans should be first brought to the Lord.
Christians should plan and tonight I want to show you some Biblical texts speak to this.
Luke 14:27-29
How do we plan?
1. Prayer Jeremiah 33:3 God is available
2. The Word Psalm 119:105 Proverbs 19:21 The Lord has the last Word
3. Obedience Psalm 37:5
4. Wise Counsel Proverbs 15:22, 20:8, 20:18
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you would have preferred to talk. Doug Larson
5. Common Sense Heb 5:13-14
What to remember
1. Plans Benefit Pro 21:5
2. Isaiah 30:1 Be careful where you get counsel
3. Isaiah 32:7, Pro 6:18, don’t plan sin
4. Be aware of following your own plans Jeremiah 18:11-13 men following their own plans “way that seems right”
5. God is in ultimate control Proverbs 16:9, Acts 17:26-28 God put you where you are
6. We need to be willing to accept plans that don’t seem fun or comfortable. Paul Phil 4:10-12 Jesus Matthew 26:36-44 GOSPEL this was always the plan Rev. 13:8
Monday, December 28, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
"How We Live" :Together
Tonight I want to look at the conclusion of Colossians in a different way, rather then looking at it as a “final greeting”, look at what the character of the people that Paul was naming, and as church we need to look at our own lives and how we compare to them.
Over the last 15 weeks we learned many different things from this letter and Paul wraps it all up with “How We Live’ (orthopraxy) together by mentioning the people that serve with him and on many levels are living for Jesus.
vrs 7-8 Tychicus=servant and comforter
1. How well do you serve?
2. Are you comforting to be around?
Reminds us of Encouragement
Vrs 9 Onesimus=useful- Was a runaway slave who stole something from his master Philemon and then met Paul and became a Christian, Paul wrote a letter to Philemon to accept the slave back and forgive Him like Jesus forgave us.
Reminds us that through Prayer people come to Jesus & Our Perspective of them must change. And Christians are to Act as Jesus sees you
3. Can people tell there is a life change?
Vrs 10-11 Aristarchus, Mark and Justus “of the circumcision” Jewish Believers Paul has three guys that are backing him. Everyone needs a little posse to remind us that Jesus is more important then, mans philosophy, religion and our old self. And hang with people who are good to one another.
4. Do you have a group of Christian friends? If not maybe you are not that type of Christian friend for others. Or maybe you are just not looking.
Vrs 12-13 Epaphras, Pastor, cares and prays and brings you the message.
Share the GOSPEL, teach and equip you for works of righteousness. I must say you all are a great group of people to serve in that way, you don’t “bite the hand that feeds you” many pastors are bitten by the very people they serve. When that happens to a pastor what should they do? What Jesus did…He served them and PRAYED, that is what pastors do they pray.
Vrs 14 Luke was with Paul in his Roman imprisonment, same Luke of the Luke and acts
Physician was his vocation, he used this to promote the name of Jesus
Uses his intellect and vocation to benefit Christ. Whne he wrote the gospel of Luke he did it as a journalist.
5. How do you use your abilities to promote Jesus?
Demas according to 2 Tim 4:10 apparently loved the world more then service of Christ
Along the way we will always have people that fall away. Maybe they were never a Christian, maybe they are and they are sidetracked. But we need to pray for them, reach out to them, challenge them and love them. (I don’t let this get me down)
6. Have you been sidetracked by the world? (The Plan two week series into the new year)
Vrs 15 Greeting other believers.
We as believers have to remember other believers; it is not about our church it is about Jesus.
Vrs 16 The Word is intended for all not just the leadership. Our relationships to one another should be based on the Word
Laodicean letter??? Lost letter not a biblical letter but something that Paul wrote. Possibly for encouragement and teaching.
Vrs 17 Archippus (Philimon’s son) the fill in for Epaphas. Sometimes people need a pat on the back or a staunch reminder about their calling and pray for them.
7. Do you need a reminder of what your calling is?
Vrs 18 from Paul, remember my chains, remember that I am still serving despite the fact that I am in jail and the odds are stacked against me. This is “How We Live”
Over the last 15 weeks we learned many different things from this letter and Paul wraps it all up with “How We Live’ (orthopraxy) together by mentioning the people that serve with him and on many levels are living for Jesus.
vrs 7-8 Tychicus=servant and comforter
1. How well do you serve?
2. Are you comforting to be around?
Reminds us of Encouragement
Vrs 9 Onesimus=useful- Was a runaway slave who stole something from his master Philemon and then met Paul and became a Christian, Paul wrote a letter to Philemon to accept the slave back and forgive Him like Jesus forgave us.
Reminds us that through Prayer people come to Jesus & Our Perspective of them must change. And Christians are to Act as Jesus sees you
3. Can people tell there is a life change?
Vrs 10-11 Aristarchus, Mark and Justus “of the circumcision” Jewish Believers Paul has three guys that are backing him. Everyone needs a little posse to remind us that Jesus is more important then, mans philosophy, religion and our old self. And hang with people who are good to one another.
4. Do you have a group of Christian friends? If not maybe you are not that type of Christian friend for others. Or maybe you are just not looking.
Vrs 12-13 Epaphras, Pastor, cares and prays and brings you the message.
Share the GOSPEL, teach and equip you for works of righteousness. I must say you all are a great group of people to serve in that way, you don’t “bite the hand that feeds you” many pastors are bitten by the very people they serve. When that happens to a pastor what should they do? What Jesus did…He served them and PRAYED, that is what pastors do they pray.
Vrs 14 Luke was with Paul in his Roman imprisonment, same Luke of the Luke and acts
Physician was his vocation, he used this to promote the name of Jesus
Uses his intellect and vocation to benefit Christ. Whne he wrote the gospel of Luke he did it as a journalist.
5. How do you use your abilities to promote Jesus?
Demas according to 2 Tim 4:10 apparently loved the world more then service of Christ
Along the way we will always have people that fall away. Maybe they were never a Christian, maybe they are and they are sidetracked. But we need to pray for them, reach out to them, challenge them and love them. (I don’t let this get me down)
6. Have you been sidetracked by the world? (The Plan two week series into the new year)
Vrs 15 Greeting other believers.
We as believers have to remember other believers; it is not about our church it is about Jesus.
Vrs 16 The Word is intended for all not just the leadership. Our relationships to one another should be based on the Word
Laodicean letter??? Lost letter not a biblical letter but something that Paul wrote. Possibly for encouragement and teaching.
Vrs 17 Archippus (Philimon’s son) the fill in for Epaphas. Sometimes people need a pat on the back or a staunch reminder about their calling and pray for them.
7. Do you need a reminder of what your calling is?
Vrs 18 from Paul, remember my chains, remember that I am still serving despite the fact that I am in jail and the odds are stacked against me. This is “How We Live”
Sunday, December 13, 2009
"How We Live" :Opportunities
Take the opportunity to…
PRAY
Vrs 2 Take opportunity...to pray
-Continue-it should be a habit. Think about the fact that you have Jesus willing and waiting to listen any time you want to talk.
"The greatest tragedy of life is not unanswered prayer, buy un-offered prayer."F.B. Meyer
-Vigilant-watchful-answers to pray are something we should be looking for as we should be looking for opportunities to pray.
There are no unanswered prayers
-Thanksgiving-reminder to be thankful for what you have. An ungrateful spirit is resented by God, remember Jonah.
Vrs 3-4 Take opportunity… to pray for fellow Christians and ministers that they will have opportunities to share the GOSPEL
You need to keep me in your prayers (I preach the gospel every week)
"Every great movement of God can be traced to a kneeling figure." D. L. Moody
Take opportunity…to ask others to pray for you. because you should be preaching the gospel
Why is it called a mystery? Through shadows, types and sacrifices Jesus is foretold.
Take opportunity…to work on a clear presentation of the gospel, not just the words we say. Its How We Live the gospel, mercy, grace, compassion, sacrifice
Remember Paul was in prison for preaching the gospel
As far as bringing the gospel to the people around us this is where it counts, your testimony.
LIVE
Vrs 5 Take opportunity…to act wise toward unbelievers.
Early Christians were criticized because they did not bow to the Roman or Greek gods they were accused of being cannibals because of communion. Paul encouraged about the way they act because they already don’t trust us or think we are crazy.
What you do and how you act can either be a good opportunity to be an example of Jesus or an opportunity for others to criticize and mock.
Ask this question… Is what I am doing going to promote Jesus?
Take opportunity… use time to benefit the cause of Jesus. “Redeeming” buying back, so much time is wasted and Eph 5:16 says the “days are evil”
Question: How do you use your time with unbelievers? What do you do? What do you talk about?
Notice Paul challenges our actions then our speech
The words we say will teach if we practice what we preach.
SPEAK
Vrs 6 Take opportunity… to talk about things that please Jesus.
Gentle, kind, loving, encouraging
Matt 12:34 abundance of the heart the mouth speaks
Take opportunity…to learn how to answer questions about Jesus, be a student of the Word
PRAY
Vrs 2 Take opportunity...to pray
-Continue-it should be a habit. Think about the fact that you have Jesus willing and waiting to listen any time you want to talk.
"The greatest tragedy of life is not unanswered prayer, buy un-offered prayer."F.B. Meyer
-Vigilant-watchful-answers to pray are something we should be looking for as we should be looking for opportunities to pray.
There are no unanswered prayers
-Thanksgiving-reminder to be thankful for what you have. An ungrateful spirit is resented by God, remember Jonah.
Vrs 3-4 Take opportunity… to pray for fellow Christians and ministers that they will have opportunities to share the GOSPEL
You need to keep me in your prayers (I preach the gospel every week)
"Every great movement of God can be traced to a kneeling figure." D. L. Moody
Take opportunity…to ask others to pray for you. because you should be preaching the gospel
Why is it called a mystery? Through shadows, types and sacrifices Jesus is foretold.
Take opportunity…to work on a clear presentation of the gospel, not just the words we say. Its How We Live the gospel, mercy, grace, compassion, sacrifice
Remember Paul was in prison for preaching the gospel
As far as bringing the gospel to the people around us this is where it counts, your testimony.
LIVE
Vrs 5 Take opportunity…to act wise toward unbelievers.
Early Christians were criticized because they did not bow to the Roman or Greek gods they were accused of being cannibals because of communion. Paul encouraged about the way they act because they already don’t trust us or think we are crazy.
What you do and how you act can either be a good opportunity to be an example of Jesus or an opportunity for others to criticize and mock.
Ask this question… Is what I am doing going to promote Jesus?
Take opportunity… use time to benefit the cause of Jesus. “Redeeming” buying back, so much time is wasted and Eph 5:16 says the “days are evil”
Question: How do you use your time with unbelievers? What do you do? What do you talk about?
Notice Paul challenges our actions then our speech
The words we say will teach if we practice what we preach.
SPEAK
Vrs 6 Take opportunity… to talk about things that please Jesus.
Gentle, kind, loving, encouraging
Matt 12:34 abundance of the heart the mouth speaks
Take opportunity…to learn how to answer questions about Jesus, be a student of the Word
Sunday, December 6, 2009
"How We Live" :Work
3:22-4:1
Jewish slavery at that time was different then Roman slavery or even the slavery that happened in our country many years ago. A slave would serve for seven years then leave with a payment of some of his masters assets, so in some senses it would be similar to enlisting in the military, there is a commitment and a benefit.
Paul’s intention here is to not change the rules by to inwardly impact how this economy is lived out.
Today we can apply this to our current work situations employee and employer
-Before we do that we have to look at a Theology of Work -Back to Genesis
How do you know if your career choice is your calling?
-Do you get a sense of fulfillment in your work?
-Do the benefits outweigh the stress? 70/30 rule
-Does it allow you adequate time for your other responsibilities?
-Does it provide for your family?
-Does it give you opportunities to share your Christian example and speak to others about Christ?
Obviously there is always tension in situations where there is a long term commitment and Paul speaks to how the Christian should respond in this passage.
Vrs 22
The way we should work (this includes the stay at home mom)
-“in all things obey” Obedient to the rules of your workplace
-“not with eye-service or men-pleasers” Look good for Jesus. Not to please others but so they know you are a believer.
Are there other believers at your workplace that can encourage you, pray for you and fellowship with you?
-“fearing the Lord” Obedient to the Lord- Unethical behavior Total Truth Illustration
Your boss asks you to sin
Vrs 23
-“do it heartily” Diligently
-“as to the Lord” For Jesus, In each situation you need to ask…”if Jesus asked me to do this what would I do?” or “If Jesus where watching me how would I work?”
Vrs 24
-“receive a reward” Focus on the reward. temporal spiritual, future spiritual (motivation)
-“you serve Jesus” Not condoning sin but is careful not to condemn others GOSPEL Jesus did not come to condemn John 3:17
Remember this is the job of the Holy Spirit let Him do that convicting work
Vrs 25
- Rest in the justice of Jesus, things at work will be unfair but trust that Jesus will not only make them right but deal out justice in His perfect plan. Conditions are unfair? God does not say” too bad you are not the boss” HE says “I will take care of that”
Vrs 4:1 If you are the boss…
-Give a fair wage
-Give proper benefits
-Give adequate time of rest.
-Treat with respect & dignity
-Act like Jesus
The Boss still have to answer to Jesus
Jewish slavery at that time was different then Roman slavery or even the slavery that happened in our country many years ago. A slave would serve for seven years then leave with a payment of some of his masters assets, so in some senses it would be similar to enlisting in the military, there is a commitment and a benefit.
Paul’s intention here is to not change the rules by to inwardly impact how this economy is lived out.
Today we can apply this to our current work situations employee and employer
-Before we do that we have to look at a Theology of Work -Back to Genesis
How do you know if your career choice is your calling?
-Do you get a sense of fulfillment in your work?
-Do the benefits outweigh the stress? 70/30 rule
-Does it allow you adequate time for your other responsibilities?
-Does it provide for your family?
-Does it give you opportunities to share your Christian example and speak to others about Christ?
Obviously there is always tension in situations where there is a long term commitment and Paul speaks to how the Christian should respond in this passage.
Vrs 22
The way we should work (this includes the stay at home mom)
-“in all things obey” Obedient to the rules of your workplace
-“not with eye-service or men-pleasers” Look good for Jesus. Not to please others but so they know you are a believer.
Are there other believers at your workplace that can encourage you, pray for you and fellowship with you?
-“fearing the Lord” Obedient to the Lord- Unethical behavior Total Truth Illustration
Your boss asks you to sin
Vrs 23
-“do it heartily” Diligently
-“as to the Lord” For Jesus, In each situation you need to ask…”if Jesus asked me to do this what would I do?” or “If Jesus where watching me how would I work?”
Vrs 24
-“receive a reward” Focus on the reward. temporal spiritual, future spiritual (motivation)
-“you serve Jesus” Not condoning sin but is careful not to condemn others GOSPEL Jesus did not come to condemn John 3:17
Remember this is the job of the Holy Spirit let Him do that convicting work
Vrs 25
- Rest in the justice of Jesus, things at work will be unfair but trust that Jesus will not only make them right but deal out justice in His perfect plan. Conditions are unfair? God does not say” too bad you are not the boss” HE says “I will take care of that”
Vrs 4:1 If you are the boss…
-Give a fair wage
-Give proper benefits
-Give adequate time of rest.
-Treat with respect & dignity
-Act like Jesus
The Boss still have to answer to Jesus
Monday, November 30, 2009
"How We Live": Parents and Children
Deut 6:1-9 is a theology of living life and building Godly families
Vrs 1-3 The What
1. Keep commands
2. Fear the Lord
3. Pass that down to the next generation
Vrs 4-6 This needs to be your hearts purpose GOSPEL
Vrs 7-9 This is how it needs to be done, life lived for the Lord is how we teach others, close to your minds and the work of your hands.
Colossian 3:20-21
At face value if I were talking to a group of people under the age of 18 I would simply say “obey” your parents and there is connection with Ephesians 6 and Exodus 20, the promise is you will live long.
But the under 18 crowd only makes up a slice of our fellowship and I believe God has a Word for us adult children. By way of “honor” to our parents.
Obey- to comply or follow commands of.
Honor-high respect or rank and distinction. they have a special position in your life and they are generally be a people that look out for you and have your best interests in mind.
This was a concept that Jesus taught
Matthew 15:1-7 A Pharisee’s tradition was to dedicate their possessions to God in order to keep them for themselves. Jesus challenged this practice because they were using it is a loophole in order to not help their parents in which case they were not honoring their parents and acting like the dedication to God was more important.
Vrs 20 As an adult child of your parents how are you being pleasing to the Lord? ,
How to bring honor to your parents as an adult.
-Help them Matt 15:1-7
-Be a blessing, children are a blessing Psalm 127:3-5
Your life, decisions, helping them, calling them, including them etc..
-Listen to their wisdom Pro 4:1, 5:7, 7:24, & 8:32
-Have kids and raise them to be Godly men and women Pro 17:6
-Respect them 1 Tim 5:3-5 showing piety sense of worth excellenceG
The transition years of college, not under 18 but not fully self sufficient. This is when it gets a little dicey because it is not God’s intention for an adult to live off their parents and it is not God’s intention for Parents to rule over their adult child.
Helpful steps to figure this out…
Childs responsibility is to..
-Seek out independence (be responsible)
-Listen to wisdom
-Make decisions that encourage parents
-Know when it is time to make the decision
Vrs 21 “provoke” sometime parents have a tough time letting go of their childrens decisions and allowing them to be a functioning adult this frustrates and provokes their children to anger.
During the transition years
Parents responsibility is to…
-Push toward independence
-Guide with wisdom not force or manipulation
-Source of encouragement
-Know when to back off
-Teach them the things of the Lord Deut 6:1-9
As a parent of a child under 18 in specific Fathers
How not to provoke
1. Be fair in discipline
2. Encourage them
3. Spend time with them
4. Pray for them and with them
5. Teach them things of the Lord
Many or most of you did not or do not have parents like this which makes it hard to be a parent like this. The good news is that we all have a Heavenly Father whose love runs deep for us and sets an example for us.
Vrs 1-3 The What
1. Keep commands
2. Fear the Lord
3. Pass that down to the next generation
Vrs 4-6 This needs to be your hearts purpose GOSPEL
Vrs 7-9 This is how it needs to be done, life lived for the Lord is how we teach others, close to your minds and the work of your hands.
Colossian 3:20-21
At face value if I were talking to a group of people under the age of 18 I would simply say “obey” your parents and there is connection with Ephesians 6 and Exodus 20, the promise is you will live long.
But the under 18 crowd only makes up a slice of our fellowship and I believe God has a Word for us adult children. By way of “honor” to our parents.
Obey- to comply or follow commands of.
Honor-high respect or rank and distinction. they have a special position in your life and they are generally be a people that look out for you and have your best interests in mind.
This was a concept that Jesus taught
Matthew 15:1-7 A Pharisee’s tradition was to dedicate their possessions to God in order to keep them for themselves. Jesus challenged this practice because they were using it is a loophole in order to not help their parents in which case they were not honoring their parents and acting like the dedication to God was more important.
Vrs 20 As an adult child of your parents how are you being pleasing to the Lord? ,
How to bring honor to your parents as an adult.
-Help them Matt 15:1-7
-Be a blessing, children are a blessing Psalm 127:3-5
Your life, decisions, helping them, calling them, including them etc..
-Listen to their wisdom Pro 4:1, 5:7, 7:24, & 8:32
-Have kids and raise them to be Godly men and women Pro 17:6
-Respect them 1 Tim 5:3-5 showing piety sense of worth excellenceG
The transition years of college, not under 18 but not fully self sufficient. This is when it gets a little dicey because it is not God’s intention for an adult to live off their parents and it is not God’s intention for Parents to rule over their adult child.
Helpful steps to figure this out…
Childs responsibility is to..
-Seek out independence (be responsible)
-Listen to wisdom
-Make decisions that encourage parents
-Know when it is time to make the decision
Vrs 21 “provoke” sometime parents have a tough time letting go of their childrens decisions and allowing them to be a functioning adult this frustrates and provokes their children to anger.
During the transition years
Parents responsibility is to…
-Push toward independence
-Guide with wisdom not force or manipulation
-Source of encouragement
-Know when to back off
-Teach them the things of the Lord Deut 6:1-9
As a parent of a child under 18 in specific Fathers
How not to provoke
1. Be fair in discipline
2. Encourage them
3. Spend time with them
4. Pray for them and with them
5. Teach them things of the Lord
Many or most of you did not or do not have parents like this which makes it hard to be a parent like this. The good news is that we all have a Heavenly Father whose love runs deep for us and sets an example for us.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
"How We Live" Marriage Part 3
Lovable Woman www.proverbs31.org
1. Good Character
Works on her character 1 Peter 3:3-4
3 types
-Concerned about outward
-Looks outwardly disheveled (which could indicate problems)
-Concerned about Character and therefore it comes out in her appearance.
2. Good wife Proverbs 31:10-12
3. Devotion to her household 31:13-19 & 21-24
4. Generous 31:20
5. Impacts the next generation 31:25-26
6. Good mother 31:27-29
7. Loves Jesus 31:30-31
Respectable men
1. Loves his wife: GOSPEL
2. Self control
Doesn’t lose his cool Pro. 12:16
Watches what he says Pro 16:23 (Nabal was a fool)
3. Works 2 Thess 3:10-11
4. Perseveres Pro 24:16
5. Is Generous Pro 11:25
6. Is humble Pro 29:23
7. Impacts the next generation Pro 20:7 (integrity) 1 Tim 5
8. Righteous Isaiah 1:16-17
9. Loves Jesus
1. Good Character
Works on her character 1 Peter 3:3-4
3 types
-Concerned about outward
-Looks outwardly disheveled (which could indicate problems)
-Concerned about Character and therefore it comes out in her appearance.
2. Good wife Proverbs 31:10-12
3. Devotion to her household 31:13-19 & 21-24
4. Generous 31:20
5. Impacts the next generation 31:25-26
6. Good mother 31:27-29
7. Loves Jesus 31:30-31
Respectable men
1. Loves his wife: GOSPEL
2. Self control
Doesn’t lose his cool Pro. 12:16
Watches what he says Pro 16:23 (Nabal was a fool)
3. Works 2 Thess 3:10-11
4. Perseveres Pro 24:16
5. Is Generous Pro 11:25
6. Is humble Pro 29:23
7. Impacts the next generation Pro 20:7 (integrity) 1 Tim 5
8. Righteous Isaiah 1:16-17
9. Loves Jesus
Sunday, November 15, 2009
"How We Live" Marriage Part 2
As we see from last week we looked through the theology of marriage and how before the fall God put Adam in the garden and Eve as his “Comparable Helper” simply meaning that they were equals in dignity, value, worth and Salvation but have differing roles, neither is greater or lesser but different.
Sin enters in and the problems start, husbands drop the ball, they fail to lead, serve and love their wives and families which negatively affects the women and their capability to respect and trust their husbands.
Then we come to these passages in New Testament about husbands and wives.
Col 3:18-19
Eph 5:22-33
1st Peter 3:1-7
Really these passages are not just talking about the family structure but they are in essence telling men and women what the makeup of their spouse is and how to deal with them.
When we look at the Biblical commands we have to see there are at least three reasons why God gives us these
1. Glorify God
2. Glorify my spouse
3. Have a Christ centered marriage that can be an example to others
To sum it we have Eph 5:33 Unconditional love Men are commanded to love because it is not their tendency and women are commanded to unconditionally respect because it is not their tendency.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs wrote a book with this being the main topic, called Love and Respect
Men’s deepest need is to be respected, and women’s deepest need is to be loved.
Without Love the wife reacts in disrespect without respect the husband reacts unloving. Calls this the Crazy Cycle (Eggerichs)
Respect- Esteem for or a sense of worth or excellence of a person.
Wives are called to respect their husband due to the position they hold
Love-affection for another person
Husbands are called to respect their wives due to the position they hold.
Unconditional love Unconditional respect
This is misunderstood, because we feel that respect is something earned and love is something owed.
We do not accuse women as being prim donnas for wanting to loved but men are accuse of being arrogant if they want respect.
What if the man is not respectable?
Two Choices. 1. Find things to respect or 2. Continue the cycle and nothing will change.
Same if your wife is not lovable?
Be a student of your spouse. What makes your spouse tick?
Painting the living room ill Love and respect
Its all in communication “Can you live with this color”
How to disrespect your husband…
1. Compare him to other guys (guys hate the Chick Flick movie guy) Eph 5:33
2. Remind him of his faults and correct him 1 Peter 3:1
Wives see the correction of their husbands as an act of love to help them be more loving, husbands see it as an belittling and treating him like a child. The two responses of a man can either be he puts up walls (whatever attitude, nothing is good enough) or he starts to act like one of the kids. Both of these options leave the wife feeling like she is doing everything alone. (unloved)
3. Nag him to change.
Wives will complain and criticize and husbands will “stonewall” in an attempt to keep from losing it and dishonoring himself. Women feel this “stonewalling” is an unloving act.
Contentious women Proverbs 21:9, 21:19, 25:24 Dripping 19:13, 27:15
4. Ridicule him to other people (if he is a dope what does that make you for marrying him?) Pro 12:4
This is why men seek to be respected outside the home.
Ill pg 68 (photo copy) extreme situation
How to be unloving toward your wife…
1. Don’t listen to her when she is sharing her feelings. 1Peter 3:7 “understanding” “weaker vessel” emotional
2. Stonewall her when you have a disagreement or yell. 1 Sam 25:3 Nabal the Lord condemns a harsh man Malachi 2:14-15
3. Make her in charge of everything from raising the kids to your schedule (women will do this and first think it is great, because they feel in charge, but eventually they feel alone)
Illustration A husband who makes his wife work. What is your problem.
4. Don’t do anything special for her Proverbs 5:18 Rejoice in wife
Who should go first? To the men I say men, to the women I say women
Phil 2 The mature one
Story of love and a husband going first on page 98 (photocopy)
Some may say that is humiliating (what about what Jesus did for you) GOSPEL
What if you don’t get the love? What if you don’t get the respect
Matt. 5:38-46 sentiment of Christ is go the extra mile.
An important aspect of this change in the relationship is see things from your spouses perspective.
The sentiment of Christ’s teaching is concentrate on yourself and your responses and your short comings, don’t play the blame game.
It is not your job to change your spouse it is just your job to be obedient to Jesus.
Forgiveness Matt 18:22, Eph 4:32
John 8:7 remember that you have sinned against your spouse as well
Next week being a respectable man, and being a lovable women
Sin enters in and the problems start, husbands drop the ball, they fail to lead, serve and love their wives and families which negatively affects the women and their capability to respect and trust their husbands.
Then we come to these passages in New Testament about husbands and wives.
Col 3:18-19
Eph 5:22-33
1st Peter 3:1-7
Really these passages are not just talking about the family structure but they are in essence telling men and women what the makeup of their spouse is and how to deal with them.
When we look at the Biblical commands we have to see there are at least three reasons why God gives us these
1. Glorify God
2. Glorify my spouse
3. Have a Christ centered marriage that can be an example to others
To sum it we have Eph 5:33 Unconditional love Men are commanded to love because it is not their tendency and women are commanded to unconditionally respect because it is not their tendency.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs wrote a book with this being the main topic, called Love and Respect
Men’s deepest need is to be respected, and women’s deepest need is to be loved.
Without Love the wife reacts in disrespect without respect the husband reacts unloving. Calls this the Crazy Cycle (Eggerichs)
Respect- Esteem for or a sense of worth or excellence of a person.
Wives are called to respect their husband due to the position they hold
Love-affection for another person
Husbands are called to respect their wives due to the position they hold.
Unconditional love Unconditional respect
This is misunderstood, because we feel that respect is something earned and love is something owed.
We do not accuse women as being prim donnas for wanting to loved but men are accuse of being arrogant if they want respect.
What if the man is not respectable?
Two Choices. 1. Find things to respect or 2. Continue the cycle and nothing will change.
Same if your wife is not lovable?
Be a student of your spouse. What makes your spouse tick?
Painting the living room ill Love and respect
Its all in communication “Can you live with this color”
How to disrespect your husband…
1. Compare him to other guys (guys hate the Chick Flick movie guy) Eph 5:33
2. Remind him of his faults and correct him 1 Peter 3:1
Wives see the correction of their husbands as an act of love to help them be more loving, husbands see it as an belittling and treating him like a child. The two responses of a man can either be he puts up walls (whatever attitude, nothing is good enough) or he starts to act like one of the kids. Both of these options leave the wife feeling like she is doing everything alone. (unloved)
3. Nag him to change.
Wives will complain and criticize and husbands will “stonewall” in an attempt to keep from losing it and dishonoring himself. Women feel this “stonewalling” is an unloving act.
Contentious women Proverbs 21:9, 21:19, 25:24 Dripping 19:13, 27:15
4. Ridicule him to other people (if he is a dope what does that make you for marrying him?) Pro 12:4
This is why men seek to be respected outside the home.
Ill pg 68 (photo copy) extreme situation
How to be unloving toward your wife…
1. Don’t listen to her when she is sharing her feelings. 1Peter 3:7 “understanding” “weaker vessel” emotional
2. Stonewall her when you have a disagreement or yell. 1 Sam 25:3 Nabal the Lord condemns a harsh man Malachi 2:14-15
3. Make her in charge of everything from raising the kids to your schedule (women will do this and first think it is great, because they feel in charge, but eventually they feel alone)
Illustration A husband who makes his wife work. What is your problem.
4. Don’t do anything special for her Proverbs 5:18 Rejoice in wife
Who should go first? To the men I say men, to the women I say women
Phil 2 The mature one
Story of love and a husband going first on page 98 (photocopy)
Some may say that is humiliating (what about what Jesus did for you) GOSPEL
What if you don’t get the love? What if you don’t get the respect
Matt. 5:38-46 sentiment of Christ is go the extra mile.
An important aspect of this change in the relationship is see things from your spouses perspective.
The sentiment of Christ’s teaching is concentrate on yourself and your responses and your short comings, don’t play the blame game.
It is not your job to change your spouse it is just your job to be obedient to Jesus.
Forgiveness Matt 18:22, Eph 4:32
John 8:7 remember that you have sinned against your spouse as well
Next week being a respectable man, and being a lovable women
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